One More ‘Stone’ of Remembrance

Stones of remembrance.

Whether we know it or not, we all have them. Those moments in our lives when we look back and see how God moved on our behalf. Like the children of Israel, we place them thoughtfully… though, perhaps, subconsciously. Still, we have them. They are there, just the same.

May 12th is one “stone of remembrance” for me. Over the years, God used this date, year after year, to confirm His promise to me that I would indeed, despite doubt or fear or impossibility, be a mother. When one May 12th (starting in 1992) rolled around to another, I found that fear and doubt were no longer loudly shouting for my attention. In their place, faith had taken root. I believed. There are no words to adequately explain what had happened. I just knew. God had a plan. He told me. I believed Him. I trusted. And yet, I waited.

One year became two and then three… and so on. The years passed. My faith grew. I no longer used words like “if” to describe my thoughts on becoming a mother. Instead, I used “when…” It was, after all, just a matter of time.

When God told me in 1996 that “by this time next year…” (Gen. 18:10) I would be a mother, I thought I would, within the year, give birth to a son. But what God was saying, and what I later understood, was that, in a year, someone ELSE would give me a son. And that happened… just as He said. When He spoke the word in mid-May 1996, I thought that, come 1997, I would give Bill a son. And when May 12th, 1997, came and went, with no baby in my arms, I could only rest in the certainty that this was one of those “mysteries” that only Heaven would one day explain. Still, my heart waited. Still I believed.

When Cindy, Ian’s birth mom, handed me her son in Feb. of 1998, and later explained to me the circumstances surrounding his conception, it was then that I knew with all certainty. I believed in a God that was real. He was specific. He spoke, and His word did NOT return VOID (Is. 55:11). Ian’s life HAD begun on May 12th, 1997… one year from the time God had spoken, saying, “By this time next year…” Ian’s life began in his birthmother’s womb at just that time. And already, God had a perfect plan for him… for me (Jer. 29:11).

And so, as another “May 12th” rolls around (and another “Mother’s Day” as well), I cannot help but think about all of this and thank God, AGAIN, for His faithfulness… His goodness. Today, all these years later, I am the mother of three. The third child came without warning… without word. A surprise, to say the least. At 42, I am finding that I’m more tired at the end of the day. I’m more sore, too. My joints hurt, and just last night, I got up (at 2 AM) to walk off a cramp in my leg. (No joke!) But I’m more patient. I am more relaxed. And yes, I’m enjoying parenting a toddler at this age. (Maybe that’s partly because I have two teenage sons to help me this go-around!)

Tonight, I watched from our kitchen window as my husband and youngest son, Jacob, introduced Allie to her new swing-set. Bill pushed her on the swing. Then Jacob demonstrated how to climb the ladder. I stood there thinking, “We had a swing-set seven years ago. We got rid of it; yet, here we are again. How beautiful!”

Allie came to us in a manner that can only be described as “heaven-sent.” We learned of her in late March. We met her on March 28th. She came to “visit” on March 31st, and she never left. Many have sacrificed that she might have a life with us. My heart breaks for those whose lives are dimmer now, because her light is now ablaze here with us. She truly is a little light!

Allie Elizabeth, born on June 22, 2009, has never really known or been cared for by her biological parents. Lovingly cared for by other family members and friends for her first year, Allie was finally at “home” with her maternal grandfather – her “Papa.” He legally adopted her in January of this year. He and his partner of about eight years cared for Allie – showing her love and teaching her to, in turn, love. On March 6th, sadly, her Papa suffered a massive heart attack. He passed away soon after. Allie was with him at the time of the heart attack, and even now, she asks me often, “Where’s Papa?” (Thank goodness for heaven!)

Due to the unique circumstances, those who love her most sought a permanent home for Allie. That’s when we first heard of her. One of her relatives heard of the “Special Link” – an adoption ministry in Greenville, SC – and sought help from Carri Uram, the “Special Link’s” director. She’s a friend of mine, and we first heard of our son Ian and his birth mother through this ministry. We received a call on March 27th, telling us about Allie. We went to Greenville on March 28th to meet her, and the following weekend, Saturday, March 31st, Allie came, and she’s never left. We gained legal custody on April 30th, and we’re now waiting for the final adoption hearing – which will probably be by late summer.

Honestly, my head is still swirling. I’m still trying to find adequate words to express my over-flowing heart. After two failed attempts to adopt a little girl (one in 1998 and then the other as recent as 2007), there’s a part of me that remains guarded. It’s as though there’s this part of me that says, “You could be hurt. You could experience loss. Therefore, protect yourself. Be prepared.”

Yet, even after the losses… when I learned first-hand what Job described in Job 1:21 – “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord” – I trust in the One who has, time after time after time, comforted me with His word. Ps. 113:9 offers such comfort, reminding me that, “He settles the barren woman in her home and makes her a happy mother of children.”  And I’m comforted, too, with the words from Is. 54:1-2 – “Sing, O barren one, you who did not bear; break forth into singing and cry aloud, you who did not travail with child!… Enlarge the place of your tent, and let the curtains of your habitation be stretched out; spare not…”

Mother’s Day is, for me, a tremendously beautiful time. I remember vividly a time, however, when this day brought immense pain and heartbreak. My longing was so great within me. And yet, today… this day brings such JOY! I am a mother. It has come with a cost. Each day, it costs. Any mother knows that! But the payoff is so great. The fruit of my labor, so abundant. My cup runs over. And today, May 12th, 2012, and the eve of yet another Mother’s Day, I place another stone of remembrance. And I thank God, who gave me life… Yes, life abundant. I proclaim with the psalmist, saying,

“Say ‘Thank You’ to the Lord for being so good, for always being loving and kind. Has the Lord redeemed you? Then speak out! Tell others He has saved you…” (Psalms 107:1-2).

He has redeemed me. Yes, He has saved me. I cannot remain silent! So great is His love!